Bored Much?
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When I go into a restaurant and glance at the couples, there’s a palpable difference in energy levels. Some couples are animated; others are staring past each other. Often the energized couples are dating and the stale couples are married.
The married couples have already talked about the kids and gossiped…there’s not much left they’re willing to get into. Is this you? Want to argue my point. Come on, I’m here!
5 Responses to “Bored Much?”
1 d9904038 13 June 2007 @ 4:51 pm
Can’t argue with your point. I agree. After 30 years of marriage, I prefer to eat at home alone rather than sit in a restaurant feeling super lonely because I’m with someone (my husband) and we have nothing to say to one another.
My husband comes home from work, goes to his workout, comes home and fixes what he wants to eat and retires to his TV and computer. Last night he came out after three hours of knapping, TV, computer surfing and drinking and approached me for sex. I am upset and insulted that I am only a “place”. I can no longer have sex without a relationship. However, I do not know how to develop a relationship at this point. Advise always says, “have sex”. Well, it never goes beyond unsatisfying sex and feeling used.
Thanks for letting me vent. It probably comes as no surprise that I have noone to talk to about this.
2 Joel Block 13 June 2007 @ 9:53 pm
Hey, d990,
It’s obvious, your husband doesn’t have a clue–and he doesn’t have a clue that he doesn’t have a clue. This may not help, but at least give it a try. Tell him you feel like a whore if he simply wants to get laid without any relationship. Invite him to spend a little time with you, to take an interest in your life–and you in his life. It’s a start…
3 d9904038 14 June 2007 @ 8:27 pm
I think your suggestion is right on and am taking steps to initiate the conversation. In fact, I am using your relationship inventory as a conversation starter. Thanks for your insight, suggestion, and expertise.
4 PRS 11 September 2009 @ 6:36 pm
I’ve witnessed the scenario you describe countless times. As is sometimes said, familiarity breeds contempt. Every relationship requires a certain amount of “work” to keep it fresh and satisfying. While interest is not always an easy state to maintain, the bond you’ve chosen to create with your partner depends on it.
30 years is a long time to be with the same person. In that period of time it’s easy to see how two people can grow apart. Your husbands behavior is of course no excuse. You need to work together to re-ignite the passion you both once felt.
Obviously in a relationship with disconnect, sex is no cure. It can however serve as an excellent catalyst by stirring the most basic of all human emotions - desire. In this regard, both men and women are fundamentally alike. The key is in discovering what generates excitement and then making a conscious effort to attain a level that satisfies both individuals.
5 Joel Block 11 September 2009 @ 7:05 pm
The real key is to get naked with each other with your clothes on–get figuratively naked. That means allowing another person to know you, dark side and all. That takes uncommon courage but boredom will not be an issue–ever!
JB
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