{"id":406,"date":"2016-04-18T15:13:40","date_gmt":"2016-04-18T15:13:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/drblock.com\/?p=406"},"modified":"2016-04-18T15:17:28","modified_gmt":"2016-04-18T15:17:28","slug":"uncommon-relationship-wisdom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/drblock.com\/?p=406","title":{"rendered":"Uncommon Relationship Wisdom"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\"5-Ways-to-Improve-the-Quality-of-your-Relationships\"Relationship wisdom is like diet advice, most of it sounds good, but it doesn\u2019t work. Here, the real thing gleaned from many years of treating couples:<\/span><\/p>\n

1.\u00a0<\/span>Very often the initial attraction\u2014what draws you to your lover\u2014becomes, some years later, the basis for divorce.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Remember that guy that you chose because he appeared to be the pillar of strength that was going to bring stability to your life? You married him and after a few years his stability bored you to tears. In your next marriage you overcorrected and married a lunatic.\u00a0<\/span>Crazy, but exciting.<\/span>That one didn\u2019t last either. The third marriage was the charm, he was not the strong, silent type, but not freaky either, somewhere between the two.<\/span><\/p>\n

2.\u00a0<\/span>The adaptive behavior we learn in our childhood\u2014the behaviors that help us survive in our family of origin\u2014turn out to be exactly what interferes with our adult love relationships.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Your parents used to fight and maybe even brawled. Your survival tactic was to stay out of the way, to be seen, not heard, or else the wrath might turn in your direction. Now, as an adult, you\u2019re confrontation avoidant to the point of having the lumpiest rug in the neighborhood. You don\u2019t deal with anything and your love-partner has one foot out the door due to all those issues you avoid.<\/span><\/p>\n

3.\u00a0<\/span>Lovers only have one fight throughout their relationship.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Sure, you may have many fights, but it\u2019s all centered on one theme, even though it appears to be about all kinds of different issues. The good news is that if you figure out what it\u2019s really about, you\u2019ll solve not one, but a ton of disagreements. Hint\u2014the underlying theme is an unresolved emotional issue from your childhood home.<\/span><\/p>\n

4<\/span>. As much as we may try to avoid it, most of us re-create a dynamic from our family of origin and play it out, usually with grief, in our love relationship.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Not you? Wait. What you\u2019ll find is you\u2019ll pick, project, or provoke some major issue from your family of origin. Picking is occurring when you have an almost uncanny sense of familiarity with someone you\u2019re just getting to know\u2014the familiarity is because the person has some characteristics of your parents. I know<\/span>,<\/span>\u00a0you want to argue that. Don\u2019t, you\u2019ll lose. Projecting is when you shout at your partner (or whisper to yourself), \u201cYou\u2019re just like my father, mean and self-centered!\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

For provoking, let me tell you a little story. A little boy\u2019s parents split and his single-mother becomes overbearing. Years later, he marries someone who is into her own world, perfect for him. He wants a wife, but he wants distance also. What does he do, he has an affair and leaves a graphic sex letter around that his wife ends up seeing. Within an instant, his wife becomes like his mother, overbearing. Oh, you think it\u2019s a coincidence? Wrong.<\/span><\/p>\n

Re-playing happens because it is \u201cnature\u2019s\u201d way of giving us another chance to resolve unfinished childhood issues\u2014and we all have them.<\/span><\/p>\n

5.\u00a0<\/span>There are<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>very few issues between lovers that are truly worthy of confrontation, and those are usually avoided.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

A vibrant relationship requires sharing your inner life with each other. It is a heart-to-heart affair. Unfortunately, instead of fighting for this intimacy, when you disclose yourself and get shot down, too often you withdraw. Take a stand; your love life depends on it. Withdrawal is the kiss of death in a love partnership.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0Relationship wisdom is like diet advice, most of it sounds good, but it doesn\u2019t work. Here, the real thing gleaned from many years of treating couples: 1.\u00a0Very often the initial attraction\u2014what draws you to your lover\u2014becomes, some years later, the basis for divorce. Remember that guy that you chose because he appeared to be the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-406","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news-you-can-use"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/drblock.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/406"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/drblock.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/drblock.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/drblock.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/drblock.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=406"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/drblock.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/406\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":409,"href":"http:\/\/drblock.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/406\/revisions\/409"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/drblock.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=406"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/drblock.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=406"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/drblock.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=406"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}